Cultivating Joy
EVERY. DAY.
This is what she does.
She draws a little picture, and she writes a little sentiments. And then she smiles.
It seems like a small thing doesn’t it? It seems like the whim of a child with all the time in the world to do as she pleases. A little coloring to fill her time.
But listen here-
Cultivate:
1 prepare for gardening
2 raise or grow
3 grow or maintain
When I was pregnant with her, there was a song that played often on the radio. It had a line in it which struck a chord that still rings true. It said “waiting for… something beautiful.” As I listened to it back then, my heart was full of longing for this relationship where I would be able to pour into this tiny being and fill her up with all these lessons she would need to navigate this world and the fortitude and grit it takes to survive here.
Oh how little I knew. OH HOW SMALL MY DREAMS. I didn’t know then, how very MUCH she would teach ME. How all my constant reminders and lessons and careful explanations would FALL MUTE IN AWE when the moments struck and I could stop and SEE what she, at the very core of her being, already knew.
In these past few years, my anxiety has pretty much taken over my life. I’ve been scared of everything. Scared to eat the wrong thing, scared to berth the wrong air, scared to expose myself to something that might set my fragile system off on it’s over reacting tangent. I quit participating in things. Quit making the effort to be with friends. I’ve been scared to sleep in my own bed because of the fears crawling under my skin and whispering in my ears at all hours of the day, and especially the night. My mind has been utterly consumed but the swirling raging storm of negative thoughts. I berated myself with condemnation at what I had become.
And then this. She presented me with another of her happy little drawings and I was struck with the opposition of her thoughts and mine.
1 She is preparing her heart for the events of her life and how she will perceive them.
2 She is defining what’s important to her.
3 She is putting the focus on what she wants to celebrate.
I was feeding anxiety, that ravenous and gluttonous beast, and she was CULTIVATING gratitude.
She’s CELEBRATING. EVERY DAY. Nurturing what is meaningful for her, putting the pieces where they belong. These small acts of self expression are her way of framing her life.. and I am learning. To unwind my wound up thoughts. Highlight the moments that make me feel good. For where your treasure lies, there your heart will be also.
So here, at Thanksgiving, it is a time to reflect on what we’ve been cultivating, and HARVEST. Gather up those moments that bring us delight, and FEAST on each one.
I wish you a joyous revelation as you feast. May it be on the wonder and joy in the smallest of moments. I wish you celebration. And if, like me, you have been struggling, I wish you pause. A breath of a moment to CHOOSE what you will cultivate in the coming year.
